When California governator Arnold Schwarzenegger introduced new legislation removing all trans fats from restaurants by 2011, he left the state’s burger connoisseurs shaking in their colourful muumuus.
The removal of the beloved, delicious, artery-clogging trans fats were too much for some and several are suggesting a massive spike in grease stockpiling and raw fat hording.
Now, the Australian Greens want to get on board with Arnie and the troughs at NSW food courts may never be the same.
Some are recoiling in horror at the suggestion of a healthy salad or pieces of fruit – that is, salad or fruit which has NOT been deep fried, covered in sugar, layered in butter, deep fried again and then covered with bacon.
And teenagers? The prospect is all too much. The thought alone of a trans fat-free world is distressing the poor little snowflakes so much they are crying all over their Xbox 360 hand-controllers and downloading more illegal Simple Plan MP3’s on Limewire to ease the pain.
Well, I’m with Arnie. It’s time to target trans fats for termination. The trans-fats freeze is coming. We will crush the trans fats, see them driven before us and hear the lamentations of the women used to ordering upsized whoppers.
And you know how I said I would kill trans fats last?
I lied.
(Aural mischief Jesse Perez)