Ranga-phobia, it’s everywhere. Once you dare to open your eyes you see its damaging effects all over our great nation. Take, for example, our political system.
Who would have ever dared to think the carrot-topped Pauline Hanson was the victim of racism herself? No wonder she struck out, like a teased younger brother, at those the antithesis of her hideous casper-like visage.
And what about our deputy Prime Minister, that famous fanta-pants, Julia Gillard? Well, she’s done pretty well, I hear you say. Yeah, that’s why she’s the deputy.
How many people have been hurt? How many people have been irreversibly scarred? How many have turned to drugs and welfare dependence to salve their wounds? How many have been made to believe they are vampires – unable to walk in the sun lest their disgusting freckly skin shrivel?
I mean look at rusty-headed actor/director Ron Howard, aka Ritchie Cunningham. His flaming hair was such a burden to him he lost it.
And what about cult bluey Yahoo Serious? Yeah exactly. What about him?
And Simply Red. I mean seriously. He might not have been so insufferably crap if he hadn’t been the victim of the global ginger gulag.
And former Liberal party treasurer, red-headed rat-rooter Ron Walker. I mean the guy's a Liberal. Poor bastard.
And with outcast status, sadly some tomato-sauce-heads turn on each other. Much like the Vichy French, who collaborated with Hitler, some fire-tops deny their red-headed status – instead insisting on being called “strawberry blondes”. Such denial breaks one’s heart.
To be sure, news that Nicole Kidman’s new daughter, Sunday Roast, is actually a ginger - and will be consequently renamed Bloody Sunday - could not have come at a better time.
To have someone of Nicole’s stature striking out for baked-bean-heads could well prevent another Rwanda-style genocidal situation. With local radio stations calling us to take to our machetes to our bloodnut neighbours.
And there’s another solution: Say Sorry to a Ranga Day, which is this Sunday.
Say sorry to your ranga mates, say sorry to your ranga colleagues, hell say sorry to strangers who are rangas. Or go to the
website. Or join me…. and tens of thousands of others as we jog from the city to Bondi in a giant gesture of ginger apology.
And consign forever this hatred in our midst to the dust bin of history.