Looking Back
So the time’s come to farewell another season of BB. Except this time it may be the last. Let’s have a look back on this season…
Well, it all started before it started. No more Gretel and lots more Kyle and Jackie O, No more Uplate but lots more Big Mouth, housemates were gunna get picked off the internet, there’d be no farmyard or pool but there would be one big bed. Then it was on – all the HM’s gave up a prized possession for no apparent reason, there was a little person, and she was tiny, there was an old person, and she was old beyond her years. She got booted – and then banished the only Asian into the backyard – and then came back. Rima broke her leg. Then it all started to blur – a party brat was de-sunglassed and chucked into the house and seemed a decent, if a little boring kid, till he was booted and had a wild party and tried to get into nightclubs with bad paperwork. Travis was annoying. Saxon the buffoon was booted. Nobbi got it out in the spa, Nobbi teased Travis and Nobbi accused Terri of sexually assaulting herself in the toilet. The internet housemates came and went… but not before Nathan the virgin talked about Renee underestimating herself. Rory talked about his exploits, Kyle got sick, Mike Goldman was great, Renee and Bianca fought, David the cult man was excommunicated, Ollie the dog came and went, Rory talked about his exploits. The housemates dug for treasure. Rory found Rhianna handy. Carson arrived, was a complete pro and provided the best shows of the season. Peter Powers was there, being, you know, powerful. Ben talked about kissing Brianca, Rory talked about his exploits. Brigitte talked about Eric, Eric talked about Brigitte - both of them proved with their few words why we need to reintroduce a policy of eugenics. Rebecca Wilson bagged Terrance, Brigitte’s dad bagged Terrance, Terrance bagged Terrance. Cherry pashed Brigitte. Bianca got miffed at Rima and Cherry felt up Pamela Anderson. I think that’s about it.
Looking Back even further
There’s been nine season’s and over 120 HM’s. But were the greatest moments? Well I gave the boys from ‘BehindBigBrother’ a call to help me out… and here’s what we came up with, in no particular order.
Sara-Marie bum danced, Blair was hot but Ben was normaller. Marty and jess kissed - and Gretel went into the house, fell over and spent ten minutes laughing in the mud. Ben and Christina fell in love. There were two houses – one round, one square. Turkarn got the Bible and Christine booted herself. Adriana proved she was still a girl, Warwick got out his truncheon, Red Symonds escaped. Chrissie heard how fat she was. Fitzy and his major loser mates caused controversy, Paul and Merlin fought. Identical twins went in and fooled everyone. Merlin was silently burnt onto our minds forever. Glenn got in trouble for hurting animals, and for cheating on Michelle. And Michael got his schlong out when he shouldn’t have. Friday Night Live began and everyone loved it. Hotdogs was Hotdogs and then got to be Hotdogs Uplate. Vesna screamed. Rita and Rachael were mental. Tim was smart, hot and funny. The Cleveland steamer came to town – and we just had to get it off out chest. Then soon after some turkey got slapped. Jamie the drongo won – no-one knows why. Karen and Krystal surprised everyone – mother and daughter united in buxomness. There was a white room, and some dude from starburst went in. The voting changed so you could love and hate. Kyle faked a headache to get out. The Mexicans got miffed. Thomas and Susanna didn’t pash, and later got married. Zac was fabulous. Pamela, Carson and Peter arrived, Corey did too… Terri was scared of foreigners. Travis was irritating. Brigitte made her life interesting by pretending it was Days of our Lives. Um. The end.
Brigitte and the animals
Brigitte got sent a hilarious letter the other day by the animal liberationists at PETA. It offended her. Cos it was true. It read, "Since you're not a big fan of thinking, I'm writing you today to ask you something I hope is a no-brainer: would you and Princess Sparkles consider posing nude for a 'Hands Off The Chicks, Boycott KFC' ad?" Those guys are funny. But seriously while I agree with animal liberationists it’s the most piss weak political cause because everyone agrees with it. It's the politics of 'I love my dog'. Why do you think the chick from Legally Blonde 2 championed it? Seriously a real political cause is one where people disagree with you…
Mike ‘Golden’ Goldman
Mike deserves a big massive thank you – I saw him out the other night, he looked great. He’s been Big Brother for eight years. I hope he party’s hard next week.
Terri vs Travis
They fought earlier in the week. It’s interesting because they both have decent support bases – and if their fans go to war they could end up knocking each other out.
Who to Vote For
Many people say Terri should win – but should she be rewarded for just being old? She’s just as boring as the rest… OK she can deal with young people… but so what?
Having said that Ben is just kind of OK, Rory is dumb and crass but I like his story. And Alice… well I’ve always liked Alice… but not that much.
It’s funny because in previous years people have really liked someone… but this year there’s been no connection between viewers and any of the housemates - besides maybe Terri. She’ll win because the others are a pain.
Big Brother’s Axing
It’s gone. It had to happen. Nuf said.
